Express Your Voice AND Your Humanity

In these final moments of this Election Season, I felt propelled to write to you. Hopefully you made it through this year with your relationships intact and without too many tense moments. I feel like we say it every election, but boy this one was a doozy. It felt very exhausting to me and scared me on a deep level. My fear wasn't so much about the politics, although that was part of it, but my biggest fear was in the cruelty, anger, and frustration that we've been witnessing all over social media, the news, everywhere.

I understand it, in a way, because we are all so different, coming from different walks of life, and feel extremely passionate about the beliefs that have shaped our existence. It's easy to feel angry at things you see or hear from friends, neighbors, the television, co-workers, your community, etc. We want to fight for our beliefs and I respect that, I do. It's a unique privilege to be allowed to have a voice. Elections are our time to express that voice, but don't forget that while our beliefs may divide us, our humanity brings us together.

When I walked into my polling location this morning, I entered at the same time as an older gentleman. He quickened his pace so he could beat me to the door and opened it for me. I nearly cried because at that moment I realized that he and I may have very different beliefs, but it was no reason not to be kind. His act of kindness allowed us to connect with a smile and I felt what I've been missing: hope. Hope for us and our ability to heal the divide that has grown the last year.  I remembered that our humanity is the greatest tool in achieving connection and healing. Unlike our beliefs, our humanity isn't an educated choice birthed from a lifetime of experiences, it's an instinct that is bigger than us.

Our humanity is what allows us to serve others and help each other without asking first who you voted for. Our humanity was expressed after Sept. 11th when, as a nation, we mourned, healed, and stood tall together. Our humanity is showcased in a random smile, a kind gesture, our empathy and compassion, our instinct to help when someone is in need. Our humanity is that amazing feeling we get when we've connected to someone and when we act from the goodness of our hearts. It's what drives us to be good people.

Respect your beliefs, stand up for them, and use your voice, but don't let them get in the way of your humanity. Continue to smile, love, serve, open doors, help, volunteer, make someone laugh, reach out, connect, etc.  Whatever happens this evening, it is our nation, we are the United States of America and we will get through this together.  Be kind and love each other.

P.S. I cried like six times writing this. Anyone else feeling emotional today?! Holy wah!

I'm Not Normal

I'm Not Normal I found myself confidently and almost proudly stating those three words today and it kind of shocked me. I'm not normal. For those of you who know me, this is not surprising, and that realization in itself was not what shocked me. What was interesting to me is how comfortable I felt saying that. Acceptance is a powerful thing and as I felt my own self-acceptance wash over me tears came to my eyes and I felt overwhelmed, in such a good way.

This square peg has, time and again, tried desperately to fit into a round hole, but, time and again, it doesn't work. I think this is something that gets easier as we get older, but not for everybody. And I think it's something that we come in and out of at different times in our lives. This last winter was challenging for me, I was finding lots of round holes to struggle with. Twenty-nine (the big 3-0 right around the corner), unmarried, no kids, not a home-owner. I started to feel this internal pressure to hurry up and start my life.

Maybe it's that darn biological clock I've been hearing about or maybe it's watching my friends and loved ones start families and settle into homes and lives. Whatever it is, I've been feeling rushed, which in turn has led to a huge inner struggle. Part of me was trying to hurry my life up to get to that point, putting pressures on myself and my relationship, the other part of me wanted to run for the hills and do reckless things the whole way there. This tug-of-war has been going on for months, aided by the pressures of going to school and running a business. But something shifted yesterday. I hit a breaking point.

Being an emotional gal and someone who seeks out self-growth, I'm familiar with these breaking points. They don't happen often and they aren't the most enjoyable things, but it's a very powerful experience if you can ride it out. It happens when you've been bumping up against the same wall over and over and over again and you reach a point where you feel like you're going to explode and at that very moment when you know you can't take it anymore, something miraculous happens. The wall shifts. When this happens things get a little dicey and then comes the feelings of relief, excitement, empowerment, and inspiration. It's like shedding a layer of icky stuff that was no longer serving me and getting comfortable in some new, better skin. With Spring here, it feels like the perfect time to do something different and find some grace for myself and allow my life to unfold naturally, without pressure.

I've always welcomed change and right now I'm especially grateful for the winds of change that are blowing in through my currently open windows. Hope everyone else is feeling that Spring joy, hope, and energy as sunshine and warmth return to our lives. Thanks for listening. Love to you all.

Angie's Anxiety Tool Box

Anxiety has been part of my life since I was 10 years old. I have had periods of my life that have been riddled with panic and anxiety and have busted my ass to learn how to cope with it. This last week has been one for the books, with a level of anxiety I haven't experienced in years. Yay. I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to share with you what anxiety has taught me. First thing, it's important to acknowledge that most people who experience anxiety don't feel like talking about it. If you are not one of these people, you know these people. They walk among us, fighting a secret battle that, amazingly, goes unnoticed by most. Having anxiety is like being terrified for no reason. It's constant thoughts, often irrational, that spin through your head seeming to feed off each other growing into some uncontrollable monster. That monster can rule your life if you let it and cripple you with worries and negative thoughts that leave you feeling helpless, incompetent, and incapable of living your life. Yes, it's dramatic, but that's exactly what anxiety is. It's creating mountains out of mole hills. It's seeing terror in a calm, happy world. It's an unanswered phone call to a friend that tells you that you have no friends. It's a quick hug from your boyfriend that is a sure sign that your relationship is over. It's a distracted hello from your boss that tells you that you are undervalued and shitty at your job. It's a scream within the quiet that no one hears but you. It's an irrational world that, for a period of time, becomes all you see, filtering life through dark, scratched lenses that you can't take off.

People who live with anxiety and panic are warriors, fighting like hell just to catch up to your "normal." The struggle is real and scary and humiliating. Not to mention EXHAUSTING. Your nervous system is on high alert all the time using every ounce of energy you have to keep you in "fight or flight" mode. Rest does not come easy, relaxation is a joke, and not even sleep can escape the thoughts that manifest as nightmares.  Alright, I think I've painted a pretty good picture and can now move on to the what-the-hell-do-I-do part.

The first step in overcoming anxiety is to realize that you can't trust your own mind as it is riddled with irrational thoughts. The second step is to calm your nerves in any way you possibly can. Here are some ways to help you accomplish this:

Angie's Anxiety Tool Box

1. Make a list. My earliest tool began with a list. I was instructed by a therapist to objectively observe my thoughts by writing them down on paper in one of two columns: "Rational" or "Irrational." This was the first time I was challenged to recognize the difference and acknowledge that my mind could be mistaken. This was such a powerful awareness exercise that taught me which thoughts deserved attention and which thoughts needed to be let go.
2. Gain perspective. For the trickier thoughts that you just can't escape, bring in reinforcement. As I mentioned, anxiety has you living in an irrational world where you're fighting to understand what's real and what's not. Sometimes you'll need to open up to someone to ask them to give their perspective. This can help you determine if your worrying is warranted (often it is not) or if you have misperceived the situation. Choose a friend that is supportive, who understands anxiety and communicate to them that you need them to be gentle with you since you'll be in a vulnerable state.
3. Sweat. There is no questioning that getting your heart pumping is one of the fastest ways to calm your nerves and relieve anxiety. It absolutely will work and give your body something to do with all that energy coursing through your nervous system. Vigorous exercise is a must during periods of anxiety.
4. Breathe. Breathing is like a miracle cure that we often forget to take advantage of. Deepening our breath has a very calming effect and brings our bodies out of "fight or flight" mode and into "rest and repose." Anxiety cannot exist in "rest and repose." Slowly and gently inhale until the breath has filled up the chest and stomach. At the top of the inhale hold for three seconds. Slowly and gently exhale until you need to physically push the air out. Pause for a second and repeat. Playing with other breathing techniques can also be extremely helpful. This is why I love Kundalini Yoga as it's full of weird, dynamic breathing exercises matched with movement that kicks anxiety's ass. Give it a try!
5. Eat wisely. Lots of times food can contribute to anxiety, so it's good to eat well and avoid foods that deplete you or that stimulate anxiety. I stay away from caffeine, chocolate, alcohol, and sugar during stressful times. I also take extra care to get nutrients in my body, so more juicing, smoothies, salads, etc. Supporting our bodies with nutrition can greatly decrease symptoms.
6. Self-care is not optional. Taking 'time-outs' for yourself is absolutely essential during periods of anxiety. Do things that nurture yourself as your system is taking a beating and you need love more than anything. Get a massage, take a bath, go hiking, go for a walk, do yoga, meditate (guided meditations work best when anxious), talk with a friend, go for a bike ride, jump in the lake (this is soooo helpful), etc. Find something, anything that you enjoy that is good for you. Go out of your way to do this! Plan it into your day and make sure you do it.
7. Give yourself permission to shut off. Lots of people make the mistake with anxiety to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol to stop the feelings momentarily. I have tried this and it makes things much worse in the long wrong. I would encourage you not to try those things, but to still allow yourself breaks from the feelings through other means. For me this means zoning out to a TV show or movie. Just make sure that you allow yourself time to deal with the feelings, too, but it is helpful to give yourself time to relax.
8. Cry. When I'm experiencing extreme anxiety, I usually reach a breaking point. Allow for this to happen as the other side of it is so much better. Find someone nurturing that you can confide in or write in a journal to reach that point where you allow all the feelings to be felt. Yes, it's overwhelming, but it's good to release them. Let the feelings wash over you and embrace your "why me" moment and let go. Cry, scream, whatever it takes. Just let go and love yourself through the process.
9. Get hands on. Do mundane chores that require you to be present. For me that means cooking. I have to be aware while chopping veggies and cooking so that I don't hurt myself. This gets me out of my head, which is where the monster is living, and more in touch with the real world. Find things to do that require presence and you will be forced out of your head.
10. Serve. Finding ways to give to others is a powerful way to connect to your heart. Experiencing love and compassion can quickly get rid of anxious feelings. Anxiety is often a very isolating feeling making us feel disconnected from the world around us. If we make the choice to push through that to connect to others through service and giving we can eliminate a huge part of the problem.
11. Mindfulness. As I mentioned, our thoughts are the biggest problem, so finding ways to get out of your head are a quick way to relieve anxiety. Do what you can to be in your body, which means that you completely absorbed in the present moment and not the thoughts running through your head. A simple mindfulness technique is to concentrate on your five senses. Notice what you are currently hearing, tasting, seeing, feeling, and smelling. Keep bringing yourself back to those things that are happening in that moment. It's incredibly helpful.

The most important part is that you are patient and compassionate with yourself. Continue to find coping mechanisms and people who support you so that you have an arsenal of tools to guide you through the rough times. And always remember that there is an end to those feelings and you will be free of anxiety at some point. Don't let the feelings consume you and continue to nurture yourself through the process. Lots of love and lots of luck and deep, deep breaths.

10 Lessons Learned Meditating and Yoga-ing at 9000 Feet in 110 Degree Heat with 2000 People.

Hellooooo! I'm back and although I was only gone two weeks, I felt like I had a lifetime of experiences. Apparently waking up at 3:30am makes one day feel like ten! For those of you who don't know, I was at a Kundalini Yoga Retreat for 10 days called Summer Solstice. Kundalini Yoga is an intense, dynamic practice that coordinates movement with breath work often quickly and for a set period of time (i.e. you may repeat one movement and breathing pattern for 3 minutes). It's a powerfully effective practice that gives you the tools to cope with daily struggles and to achieve a peaceful, meditative state. I was introduced to this practice by my lovely yoga teacher in California, Nicole (Guru Karam Kaur). As someone who has experienced intense anxiety, I realized that my anxiety didn't stand a chance when met with this powerful form of yoga. It's not for everyone and some people think it's strange because it is (lots of huffing and puffing with weird breathing techniques while doing interesting yoga poses will make anyone feel silly), but it works. I've found a lot of relief in it and have learned that it can be applied to so many parts of my life. This Summer Solstice was the second one I attended as I felt eager to learn and challenge myself. One of my best friends, who I haven't seen since our last Summer Solstice adventure, flew out to Marquette, MI to embark on yet another epic road trip leading us to New Mexico for the retreat. We had an amazing time and got to explore America in my favorite way, on the road. It's the perfect way to transition into a 10-day Yoga Retreat, which leads me to this year's experience.

Between classes, working in the kitchen, and participating in yoga and meditation at 9000 feet on holy Hopi land in New Mexico, I learned a heck of a lot in 10 days.  Although much of it is difficult to put into words. Quite honestly, I think I'll be processing the whole experience for months to come, but I'd love to share with you what I can.

10 Lessons Learned Meditating and Yoga-ing at 9000 Feet in 110 Degree Heat with 2000 People

1. Essential oils are your best friends. Lavender helps heal burns, peppermint helps sooth, and blends are great for achy muscles and mental clarity. Hot days and spray bottles with water and essential oils are a divine combination that cools you down and makes you feel a little bit pampered. Also, when you're camping for days in extreme heat with thousands of other people, good smells are welcomed.

2. It feels damn good to use your body. Doing up to 4 hours of yoga a day, plus volunteering in the kitchen for 6 hours had me exerting myself physically more than I think I ever have. Working in a kitchen is something I'm used to, but not one that makes meals for 2000 people. There is a lot of heavy lifting involved! It was amazing to see how my body began to change in just 10 days. I feel stronger, empowered, and inspired to keep my lifestyle active. I was also surprised at how much energy I felt from doing that much activity.

3. When you push through perceived limitations, you will shock yourself at what you're capable of. One portion of the retreat included spending three days meditating in simple yoga postures for 6-8 hours, sometimes holding one pose for 62 minutes. What starts as a simple pose quickly turns painful when you're holding it for that long. I was able to surprise myself with my strength and also reach a mental state that allowed me to meditate above the pain and achieve comfort. It was a huge lesson on how powerful the mind is.

Natasha and I after 8 hours of meditating

4. To sweat is to pray. My last day at Solstice I went to a dance class that blew my mind. We started with a little bit of yoga and then danced to some amazing music. Our teacher guided us so beautifully that we were able to fully embrace the experience without feeling awkward or embarrassed. At one point, she said to us, "to sweat is to pray." In that moment I remembered how meditating and spiritual experiences can be achieved in so many ways and anyone can find a practice that feels right to them such as running, dancing, hula hooping, mindfulness, silence, etc.

5. When you walk an unbeaten path, you aren't alone. My lifestyle and career choice has led me down a road that often feels very different than others and can sometimes feel lonely. Going to this yoga retreat, I was suddenly surrounded by other people drawn to a life of healing and wellness. My first day, I met a woman who is a Natural Chef and Wellness Coach and I was so stoked to meet another one of me! I quickly remembered the importance of attending events and conferences that allow you to access the community you're apart of so that you can get advice, inspiration, and understanding. IT helped me feel more equipped and supported in offering my services to the public. I encourage everyone to find people that share their passions in order to learn, grow, and be inspired.

6. Morning people know what's up! This year I was much better at going to bed early than last year, which allowed me to wake up at 3:30am and participate in the programs and classes offered. Besides napping during the 5am meditations (so hard not to), I stayed alert and active all day. This year I was able to attend way more classes because I wasn't tired. In 10 days I developed an enjoyable routine that allowed me to start my day with yoga and meditation, energetically volunteer in the kitchen, take 3 classes a day, socialize and have fun, and get some peaceful, relaxing alone time. I felt so perfectly balanced! Being a night owl, I've always resisted the idea of waking up early, but this was such a powerful experience helping me realize that starting early can allow me to take full advantage of a day. I'm so inspired to push through my sleepy, groggy morning resistance and start getting up earlier. Plus, sunrises are awesome!

7. Meditation is a powerful tool for clarity and inner peace. Duh, right?! Well, I think this is a realization that I will continue to re-experience and I think it will always blow my mind. In the first two days I had such a deeper understanding of the struggles I've been experiencing, which allows me to start letting them go. Also, it allows me to function more peacefully and efficiently in my daily life. Meditation is the real deal people!

8. It's okay to feel your feelings. One of my favorite things about kundalini yoga is that it helps you use some of your most uncomfortable emotions to achieve a relaxed state. Anger is a feeling that I always resist, but it's natural to feel it sometimes and it's quite powerful. There are a lot of poses and dynamic kundalini exercises that allow you to use that power, burn off steam, and feel peaceful. This way you have an outlet for that anger and it doesn't seep into your life through snappy comments and hurtful words. Being away from my kundalini yoga teacher, I had forgotten what a great coping mechanism this is and am excited about using it again. Embrace and love yourself and all that you feel. That acceptance will help heal you and bring you to a happier, healthier existence.

9. Coconut oil is da bomb! It's amazing how a hot, dry climate leeches all the moisture out of your skin. I got into a routine of applying coconut oil to my body after all my showers and it was amazing how much better I felt. Also, the hot sun and thin air of high elevation increases sunburn risks. Coconut oil, amazingly, has a low SPF level that will act as a natural sunblock. It worked great for me! Also, the smell is lovely.

10. "If you can't see God in all, you can't see God at all." This powerful Yogi Bhajan quote hit me in a very deep place and acted as a sort of wake-up call for me. I think it's an important concept for anyone no matter what your spiritual beliefs are. What I took it to mean was that in order to fully love and accept ourselves we must learn to fully love and accept others. In that love and acceptance there is divine connection. One thing that happens when you get 2000 people in one space is there is a lot of bumping into each other, which irritated the heck out of me (it reminded me of being stuck in traffic without air conditioning). I realized that irritations give rise to snap judgements and negative thoughts, which is a small example of how judgements can seep into our lives. After hearing this quote, I began to be more aware of some of my negative thoughts and actively meet them with love and acceptance. This will be an ongoing exercise, but it's quite powerful and will leave you feeling more peaceful and connected. Love, man, is a powerful thing (imagine me saying that like Jeff Bridges would while holding up a peace sign).

Well, folks, that's my epic journey abridged for you. I'm currently processing the whole experience, which was aided by my solo 24-hour drive back to the U.P. That was the first time I road tripped that far by myself and that in itself was a challenge that left me feeling more confident and empowered. It was a great way to transition back into my daily life! Although I did miss having a navigator as I'm quite directionally challenged and, admittedly, a little spacey (especially after 10 days of meditating). But, hey, the greater the challenge, the greater the reward. Despite one speeding ticket and a few wrong turns, I am feeling quite proud of myself!

I'm sure I'll have additional blog posts on the things I've learned and I'm really excited to incorporate these tools into my daily life and business. If anyone has any questions or interests let me know and I'd be happy to share more with you. Email me at sageandspry@gmail.com! Lots of love!