Nurturing Your Inner Child

As a perfectionist and a tough self-critic, the concept of an inner child has helped get me through many rough patches. I have spent a lot of times in my life struggling with emotional issues.  Self-hatred, depression, and anxiety were no strangers to me.  Then my mentor introduced me to the concept of the inner child.  She told us to put a picture of ourselves as children in our journal or by the mirror as a reminder to approach ourselves with love.  This had such a powerful effect on me.

Children embody innocence and purity, which is why it's so easy to love, support, and protect them.  We deserve that same level of love, support, and protection throughout our lives and it's our duty to show that to ourselves so that others can reflect it back to us.  We set the stage for how we're treated, so it's important to be a good example.

It's easy to go to bat for a child, to help them, and to nurture them.  This gets hard to do as we get older, but it shouldn't.  If we all viewed ourselves and others has the child they/we once were, we would act completely different toward ourselves and others.  There would be more love, patience, kindness, support, forgiveness, empathy, etc.

The concept of the inner child also helped me approach my struggles with objectivity.  Often times, we can easily dole out advice to anyone but ourselves.  Our self-criticism, judgement, fears, and doubts stop us from being objective.  We get lost in our own heads and a great tool for this is to imagine yourself as someone else or as a child coming to you with the same struggles.  Write down what you would say to them and then read it to yourself.

The beauty of using the image of a child is that it simplifies things.  Children need love, support, and attention.  As we grow older, we still need the same things, but we've adjusted to not receiving them as often.  Anytime I was struggling I imagined a child and instantly my thinking would shift to a more loving space.  The level of judgment, criticism, anger, and disappointment I felt toward myself wouldn't survive when met with a child.  Thinking of myself as a cute, innocent child helped me find a way to love myself, especially the parts I deemed unloveable.

I'm a huge advocate for journaling, especially for anyone having a hard time.  Writing to my inner child (i.e. "Dear Little Angie...") has been one of the most powerful tools I've used to heal and let go.  I used to have a lot of body image issues and was really hard on myself for the foods I ate and how much or little I worked out.  After learning about the inner child concept I wrote a letter imagining what I would say to a child struggling with the same negative thoughts.  Instantly my heart filled with so much love, empathy, and sadness for this pure, beautiful child who couldn't see the light and beauty in her own reflection.

I poured love onto multiple pages describing that beauty isn't measured by pounds, inches, or calorie intake but is a reflection of someone's confidence, self-love, and their pure essence.  I then read this letter back to myself and felt the truth in these words and, after many tears and some self-pity, I was changed forever.  I saw and treated myself differently and witnessed the world do the same.  It's amazing to watch how approaching life in a different way changes the way you are seen, received, and treated by others.

Go dig out some old pics, say hi to little you, and never forget that we were all once completely pure, innocent, beautiful children. It's a little silly, but give it a go.  Make peace with yourself, soak up some love, and experience some profound positive change.

Dictate Your Own Path

Entering into the world of wellness can be very overwhelming.  It's something people are very passionate about, because often people have gone through a lot in order to share their stories and teach what they've learned.  Often the health gurus talk about real life or death situations that they've transformed out of.  It's no small thing.  So, how do we, in the face of absolutes, certainty, and fear of death and disease, can we find the flexibility we need to listen to our own bodies and dictate our own path? When I started this whole journey I was an easy convert.  I soaked up people's journeys and took their lessons to heart.  Gluten-free, good idea! Dairy-free, absolutely!  Raw food, sure! Veganism, definitely! Juicing fasting, sign me up!  Wheatgrass, yum! Cleanse, after cleanse, after cleanse, bring it on! Drinking your own urine, wait, what?! Back up a second here...

What I learned, in this world of infinite healing possibilities, is that there comes a time when you have to listen to yourself and not other people.  For those of you who are stepping into the wellness world and feel a little lost or overwhelmed, here is some sage advise from someone who has been experimenting and playing around in this world for a long time:

Stay open.

There's a lot of fun stuff out there, but make sure you don't get stuck in a box so that you have the freedom to continue to listen to your body.  I don't like to label myself as anything (Vegan, Vegetarian, Raw Foodist, etc.) because the second you embrace an identity you've created limitations for yourself.

Don't adopt someone else's philosophy before you've had a chance to discover if it's a fit for you.

There are a lot of AMAZING and INSPIRING people in the wellness community and it's easy to want to adopt the path they're on.  You need to remember that your journey is not their journey, so, no matter what, your path will have to be unique to you.  Yes, you can learn so much from other people, but you are the only person who can decide what works for you.

Don't judge. Don't judge others and especially don't judge yourself.

If there was one thing I could change about the wellness community, it would be to lessen the pressure people feel when embracing a lifestyle change.  Whether it's induced by society, the people around you, or yourself, it is way too common to be hard on ourselves through this process. Motivation and inspiration are great, but try to avoid guilt, shame, disappointment, and fear.  You will be happier and healthier if your positive lifestyle change is founded in self-love, acceptance, enjoyment, and inspiration.

Love is the answer.

The way we treat ourselves communicates a lot about how we feel about or see ourselves. Lots of times we get caught in negative patterns that fulfill some kind of insecurity or pain.  The answer to breaking that cycle is simple, not easy.  Love, love is the answer.  The more we tell ourselves that we love ourselves, through the words we use, the thoughts we think, and the actions we take, the more these insecurities that drive our negative habits will fade away.  It's harder than we think to let go of pain, especially when we aren't aware of the seed that planted it, but choosing self-love will shed light on these things and help you let them go.

Create a positive support group.

The best way to make healthy lifestyle shift is to have people that support you.  People you can share your journey with, that you can lean on when you hit a bump in the road, people who make it fun.  I wouldn't have made it this far without the support of my family and friends, a group of friends going through the same sh*t, and my mentors' constant guidance.  Set yourself up to succeed.

Always make the next right decision.

Don't get bogged down by the things you've struggled with or temptations you've succumbed to.  If you just focus on always doing the next best thing then, no matter what, you will always move forward. It is that simple; don't get discouraged and don't give up.  There is always something positive you can do for yourself to get yourself out of a rut.

Be your own experiment. 

This is the fun part.  There are so many healing modalities, tricks, and tips to experiment with.  Try them out and see how you feel.  Be in charge of your body and listen to how it feels to see if something works or doesn't.  My path has led me to favor acupuncture, eastern herbs, yoga and meditation, intense emotional exploration and healing, a special Angie-tailored diet, spiritual expression and connection, massage, etc.  These are the things I've tried that have worked, some might work for you and some might not.  You're the master of your own universe, so play around, have fun, and be open.

Stay positive.

Oh boy is it easy to let fear, judgment, and insecurities seep into our positive transformation.  Realistically, it's going to happen.  You will have moments when you aren't driven by joy, but by fear. Moments when someone else's lifestyle threatens your fragile, new way of being and so the only way you know how to hold on tight is to meet them with judgment. Be aware of these moments, so that you don't get lost in them.  Constantly make the choice to generate positivity.  In times when this is hard, be open about your struggles, be vulnerable, so that you can get help and support.  Acknowledge the tough times and they will pass quicker.  Gratitude is one of the best ways to turn a negative into a positive.  Find a way to be grateful for every hardship, roadblock, and challenge that comes your way, as these are the contrast that allows you to celebrate joy and happiness. These are the exercises that build up our metaphorical muscles that keep us strong.

The important thing is to continue to work towards better, happier, and healthier. Do what you can to free yourself from limitations and improve your quality of life. Remember to trust and love yourself! Good luck, lots of love to you, and have a blast! :)

One-Week-At-A-Time Wellness

My life changes all the time.  There was once a time when I feared change, but now I thrive in it.  My address, lifestyle, food choices, and social circle seem to be flexible things in my life.  I've grown accustom to this and find joy in all the new experiences I have and love the constant growth and learning that comes with it.  The tricky part, in the ever-changing world that I live in, is how hard it is to maintain a wellness routine.  Wellness, obviously, is extremely important to me, but it sometimes gets put on the back burner for the sake of new experiences, fun, and ease. Recently, I have been thinking about this a lot more since I've moved back home.  The girl I once was, who only knew how to pursue a good time and not a healthy lifestyle, has been haunting me more than normal.  You see there are two sides of me: Yooper Angie and California Angie and my constant struggle is finding the balance between these two parts.  I love the side of me that is fun-loving, social, and a little bit wild, but equally important is the side of me that loves to nurture and care for myself and others; the side that relishes in being active and healthy.  Now I know that there is a perfect balance to be sought, but in the meantime I am a swinging pendulum teetering on the edge of both extremes.

California Angie

Yooper Angie

That is how I came up with one-week-at-a-time wellness.  This is something easy that I can focus on while I rediscover my place and myself in a world where I was once a different person.  This gives me the opportunity to sit with myself once a week, to look at my social calendar and determine in what ways I can give to myself that week.  Every week I self-reflect, become aware of what I want and need, and decide to pursue something that makes me feel good.  This is especially helpful when I haven't been taking care of my body very well and need something to grasp at.

I encourage everyone to find a space to go within, at least once a week, to check-in and set new goals.  One-week-at-a-time wellness is a way to set goals without pressure.  Seven days is a short amount of time and I think we could all find something to commit to for that period of time. This gives us the opportunity to pursue health even at times when we can't fully commit to a whole new lifestyle.  It's a way to maintain your wellness focus even during times that usually throw you off course, such as times of celebration, transition, stress, hardship, and vacation.  On that note, I'd like to wish you a happy Monday and hope that you can find something healthy to focus on this week.  I'm going to make my week about getting back into Kundalini Yoga.

Making Peace with Food

Many of us have chosen to override our instinctual connection with food by intellectually controlling what we are eating.  Meaning that we've listened to outside sources in order to determine what to eat instead of trusting our own intuition.  We're animals, we're designed to instinctually know how to survive.  So, how do we get back there? This part is simple, but not easy.   Whether you're a yo-yo dieter, an athlete, a standard American, a person recovering from an eating disorder, or plain ol' Joe Schmo, we've all learned to deem food as bad or good, right or wrong.  We've been at war with foods that are an essential part of our structure and function: fats, proteins and carbohydrates.  I'm asking you to stop fighting with food.  Stop restricting, rewarding, punishing, and controlling.  Simply put, I'm asking you to eat.

I was big on fad diets, which turned into an obsession, which turned into an eating disorder.  When I started my healthy lifestyle I had "recovered" from my struggles with eating disorders, but the obsession with food and my body still haunted me.  I knew that if I was going to pursue a healthy lifestyle I was going to have to do it a different way.  No more restricting and no more right and wrong.

That's how I began, eating whatever the hell I wanted to, whenever the hell I wanted to, with the addition of healthy food.  I focused on drinking enough water, juicing three times a day, and finishing both my lunch and dinner meals with raw salads.  What I ate beyond that was of no concern to me.

I had an excellent Professor in college, who specialized in eating disorders, tell me that if someone had a restriction / binge relationship with Oreo's then they should be sure to carry around a bag of them wherever they went.  The more we resist something the stronger our urge is for that thing.  I have plenty of experience to back that statement up.  We should allow ourselves to indulge in cravings as long as we do our best to create a healthy standard.  Let the unhealthy cravings become the exceptions and the healthy, nourishing foods become our norm.

Pumping my body with nutrients soon lessened my appetite and unhealthy cravings.  Pretty soon I was daydreaming of kale and brown rice instead of Taco Bell and onion rings.  Our bodies want to be healthy, it's our minds that  screw it up.  So, do your body a favor and surrender control.  Let it decide what to eat, but support it with proper nourishment.

I have to add that exploring your patterns of eating, emotional connections to food, and feelings towards your body will help you break free of unhealthy eating patterns.  Journalling, refocusing on positive thoughts, and letting go of judgements were integral in my healing.

Nowadays, I'm not perfect, nor do I want to be, but I've allowed my body to resume control.  I still allow myself to emotionally eat and indulge in cravings, but my healthy lifestyle dramatically outweighs these times and my body can handle it.  I deem these as "soul" food days and enjoy them, but am excited to get back to my green juice and quinoa. It's my philosophy that health and happiness comes from enjoying your food, supporting your body when you can, and eliminating judgement. So, go on now and start loving yourselves and loving your food!